50 ways to annoy Merlin
by yaoifangirlHolly
Summary: BBC Merlin, he is such a cute character that I thought how easy he would be to annoy. Then my mind got carried away...


**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of the characters.**

**50 Ways to Annoy Merlin**

Ask him if he and Arthur get nicknamed "Prince Prat and his idiot servant".

Run up to him 20 times every day and whisper to him – "Ssh! Keep the magic secret!"

Ask him if he's jealous of Lancelot's hair.

Tell him he has ears like cup handles

Ask him to rate Lancelot and Arthur out of ten for snogability.

Tell him that Arthur requires his services in the bedroom. Raise your eyebrows suggestively. Repeat this when Gwen and Morgana are present for added effect.

Ask him if he has a different coloured neckerchief for every day of the week.

Dye all his clothes pink.

Tell Arthur that Merlin has requested a "Naked Friday".

Tell Arthur that Merlin has been peeping on Morgana changing.

Tell King Uther that Arthur and Merlin are in love.

Doodle love hearts all over the front of the spell book that Gaius gave Merlin.

Do one of the previous things in front of Gwen/Morgana/Gaius/Uther then when Merlin snaps at you, pat him on the shoulder, and tell whoever's around that it's Merlin's "time of the month".

Ask him if he enjoys playing with Arthur's sword.

Tell Arthur that Merlin must be a virgin, because he touched a unicorn.

Order him to "go feed the dragon".

Spill something white and sticky on Merlin's bed sheets. Take them to wash, and give them to Gaius, saying – "Merlin's been having wet dreams about Arthur again."

Run into Gaius' house every day, saying in a melodramatic fashion. "Another evil magic creature is on the loose again! And only Merlin can save the day!"

Whenever Merlin is with Gwen or Morgana run up to them and yell at Merlin – "For crying out loud, look at her face, not her breasts!"

Ask him if Gaius has told him the facts of life yet.

Tell Arthur it is his responsibility to tell Merlin the facts of life.

Ask Merlin if he has used his magic to see what Arthur/Lancelot looks like naked.

Tell Merlin he only has himself to blame for Merlin/Arthur shipping – he shouldn't have told Arthur – "Faster. Go faster" and panted Arthur's name when he was feverish.

Ask him if all the neckerchiefs he wears are simply to cover up love bites that Arthur or Lancelot has given him.

Comment on how smooth his face is, and ask him if he's started shaving yet.

Ask him if he coordinates his outfits with Arthur's.

Ask him why he's always asking a talking dragon for help.

Make up dirty limericks involving him and sing them whenever you walk past him. Write them down and leave them on the throne seat for Uther to find.

Ask him over and over to kiss Arthur.

Ask him to use his magic to make Arthur's trousers fall down while he is in front of the whole court.

Replace Arthur's crown with one made of tin foil and tell him Merlin did it. Do the same with Uther's crown.

Trick Merlin into going into Morgana's underwear drawer and have her discover him doing it.

Have Lancelot come onto him.

Ask him if he likes Arthur's pout.

Graffiti Uther's throne with "Merlin and Gwen forever" and tell him Merlin did it.

Tell Merlin repeatedly that the dragon said he and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, so they must belong together.

Tell Arthur he should put Merlin in prison and chain him to the floor because it turns Merlin on.

Ask Merlin if he and Arthur are "close"

Ask Merlin if he and Lancelot are "close"

For added effect on 38 and 39, ask in a breathy voice, pretending to swoon.

Tell Merlin that Gwen is pregnant and watch him run off to ask her if she's okay.

In front of Merlin, put on a neckerchief and imitate his earnest naïve nature, saying – "Ssh! Keep the magic secret! Oh, Arthur, I love you! Nimueh, you know this is wrong! Dragon, I'm not going to listen to you!"

Ask Merlin if he's ever been to Hogwarts.

Get all the women in the castle to join a "We love Arthur Pendragon" club and go on and on to Merlin about how popular it's been. The next day, tell Merlin that Lancelot has joined the club. Tell him later that Gwen and Morgana have also joined the "We love Arthur Pendragon" club.

Whenever Merlin suggests something, say to him – "That may be how you do it in the country, boy but it's not what we do in Camelot."

Whenever Merlin is in court with Arthur, throw subtle innuendos into the conversation such as – "Merlin is amazed at how well Arthur can handle a sword, aren't you Merlin?"

Tell Merlin you know he only wears red because he read in Cosmopolitan that it makes men unconsciously attracted to you.

Make sure Merlin is within earshot when you say to Arthur – "The first code of Camelot that only noblemen can be knights was only to stop scrawny people like Merlin from becoming knights, wasn't it?"

Ask Merlin if he calls Arthur "master" when they make love.

Tell Merlin that drinking the semen of a prince will make him all powerful.

**This was fun but I would never annoy Merlin of course, he is my favourite character in the BBC Merlin.**


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